9/28 Continuing at new domain jwleaf.org
A satisfactory FTP file transfer client was found named FileZilla. To begin with, the andarivel.org Most Recent News page was downloaded to my Gateway laptop using FileZilla, then uploaded to jwleaf.org, where it was manually edited using the simple startlogic.com html editor. The links to other pages still point back to andarivel.org, however.
10/3 Today I downloaded the Folding@Home protein simulation project from Stanford University. My laptop will dedicate its CPU cycles to this massively shared quest at low background priority, continuously running day and night. After the first seven hours of number crunching, my user rank (username jwleaf) moved up from dead last to 1,000,721 out of 1,090,869. In other words, in only seven hours my laptop leapfrogged over 90,148 other inactive or beginning users. After completing the first Work Unit successfully, it received a much larger Work Unit consisting of 5 million steps, a forty-one hour job. The protein under study is p53, a well known tumor suppressor protein whose malfunction is implicated in over 50% of human cancers.
10/4 My search for an online web page editor finally met with success. It is Kompozer. Along with FileZilla, this completes the tool kit needed to maintain my blog at jwleaf.org without depending on PageBuilder at yahoo.com any more. Ironically, PageBuilder has not been taken down at yahoo yet as threatened. This page Recent News 2008 2of2 was moved over to jwleaf today. Others can be moved over later as needed.
10/7 It feels odd to have the computer running all the time. There is a feeling of satisfaction that my resources are serving a worthy cause (and to a designated beneficiary Stanford University to boot), but there is also a strange feeling of sharing space with another entity. My ranking has increased to 779,229 after completing three Work Units (WU) worth 264 points. The present project 897 is a study of the interaction between two cancer proteins. It is worth a fat 326 points and should complete in two more days. Many Folding@Home (FAH for short) participants join together in teams to share a larger combined score, but for now, at least, I am trekking alone, as when I hiked seven million steps to Canada.
10/11 Three family birthdays today, mine at age 66, father at 91 and nephew at 23. I created a "Team" at FAH with the name Arunachala, after the small mountain in South India where Ramana Maharshi (see video here) spent all of his spiritual life until he died in 1950 at age 70. Ramana said that Arunachala was his guru. When he was younger he liked to walk around on the mountain, but gave it up when devotees started squabbling over who would go with him and who would stay back at the ashram. He had no special disciples and he often kept silent. He is remembered for teaching self inquiry: "Who am I?" The photographs that have come down show him as an elderly, nearly naked, bald man grown paunchy from lack of exercise. He was not self conscious about devotees staring at his body. Anyway, about FAH Team Arunachala, even though it has only one member at present, and even though by starting again from scratch a whole week of points was dropped into a bit bucket, team rankings are more encouraging than individual rankings. Thus, today starting at the bottom but having successfully completed the first Work Unit, Team Arunachala has gained a ranking of 60,602 among 144,459 teams. The Stanford FAH protein folding project is the world's largest distributed computing project with a combined power three times greater than the world's fastest supercomputer.
Apparently, Yahoo will continue supporting PageBuilder after all. This leaves me straddling two domains, because I prefer PageBuilder until more accustomed to Kompozer but hesitate to depend on it entirely. I will probably continue updating my news at jwleaf.org (the Kompozer text editor is really fast) with links back to other pages still at andarivel.org. My Costa Rican godsons have faded into the background with no communication from any of them for a long time. I suspect that Jesus may have dropped out of school again without daring to tell me for fear of losing his scholarship.
"Let not a person revive the past, or on the future build his hopes, for the past has been left behind and the future has not been reached", from the poem A Single Excellent Night. Even so, the past has a way of showing up unexpectedly, just when it was thought to have been left behind, and the future comes around in its own good time.
10/15 Routine monthly transfers for my Costa Rican godsons' educations were broken by a new requirement by the BCR bank to obtain a secondary password card by appearing in person at a local branch. I have noticed that all three of my Costa Rican banks have become more security conscious this past year but this takes the cake. Further transfers by internet within this bank have become impossible. Thus I have requested the mothers of my families to open new accounts at another bank.
10/20 Stayed in this morning to watch World Championship chess game #4 of 12 in the match between Anand and Kramnik. I have been experiencing tingling sensations in my feet for the past half year, gradually increasing over time. Poor leg circulation may be due in part to reduced exercise or in part to venous blockage resulting from leg fractures at age 21 and now advancing age. Beginning today I have decided to do another cleansing fast to see if it might help clear the tubes. Starting at 137 pounds for this fast, I have been successful in giving up coffee over the past months which was a major disturbance during previous fasts. I have replaced my old worn-out non-vegan down sleeping bag with a new Kelty polyester fill bag. However I may continue using my old down jacket until it wears out even though it contains feathers.
10/25 Joined the Rosetta@Home project at the University of Washington, David Baker's lab, to compare with FAH, with assumed team name Arunachala. The Rosetta project has far less participation than FAH (only 220,000 users, because the BOINC platform does not run on Playstation3 or ATI/nVidia graphics units) but it is renowned for excellence in protein docking and design. It also has an interesting viewer that works.
10/26 Day 7, weight down to 130 lbs, no improvement yet with feet tingling after sleep or morning leg cramps. According to Wikipedia, the Body Mass Index threshold between normal and underweight is 18.5 BMI. This translates in my case to a fasting lower limit of 118 lbs (118 lbs * 703 metric_conversion_factor / 67 inches squared = 18.5 BMI). This fast is going more smoothly than others because of avoiding coffee and soft drinks. I gave them up after learning about my high genetic risk for heart attack (54% lifetime probability according to my deCODEme scan).
10/28 Interrupting (but not ending) fast to treat leg cramps with bananas, potassium supplements, salt, more water and walking. BP 108/88. My laptop has been dedicating all of its idle CPU time day and night to the Rosetta@home protein folding project. This makes me wonder if my own idle mental processing time could be similarly dedicated to some worthwhile goal, now that Andarivel is fading away, when constant meditation practice becomes wearisome. However enthusiasm for undertaking a major new project is absent. Maybe I need to do more physical exercise even though winter is coming. Alpine, Texas, looks like an attractive small town to spend the winter, with more open desert/grassland/mountain space than the Texas hill country farther east.
10/31 My contemplated departure from Flagstaff to spend the winter in Alpine, Texas, will be delayed for a few weeks for some medical tests. Ended fast today at 130 lbs, BMI 20.4, alarmed by blood pressure and rapid heart rate measured on a newly purchased super-duper in-home blood pressure monitor, Omron 780. This morning I measured 112/88 with pulse rate 107. This is BAD, not because of the systolic pressure (normal range 90-119) but because of the difference between systolic and diastolic (diastolic normal range 60-79), called "pulse pressure". A pulse pressure less than 40 may be a symptom of Congestive Heart Failure, especially if accompanied by a high pulse rate (normal range 60-100). My symptoms of cold, tingling feet and fatigue probably result from poor circulation (and/or the ADAM syndrome), both consequences of a motorcycle accident 45 years ago. It is not clear yet if the circulation problem originates with the heart or with venous blockage. Later today, after eating some food, my pulse rate declined to 79 in the normal range. Hopefully, continuous monitoring during the coming week will establish if the high pulse rate was only due to fasting. However the diastolic pressure is still too high.
Then this afternoon I began to experience the well-known problems in the United States with getting medical care when I tried to find a doctor. At the Flagstaff Hospital they would not accept me without a referral, and the desk would not even give any hints on how to find a doctor except try the phone book. Then I walked around and inquired at a local doctor's office near the hospital. They turned me away because they don't accept Medicare patients. Finally with the compassionate help of my landlord's wife, I located a medical center which accepts Medicare patients. This center, North Country HealthCare, is the same one (I think) that would not schedule a simple lab test for me three years ago (August, 2005) which decided me to return to Costa Rica where I got a complete lab workup in one day. This center has 18 female doctors and two male doctors, weird. I made an appointment one week from now with a young female MD, the first available.
11/5 Hooray! Yes we can! I was video interviewed on the street for a TV report about my reaction to Obama's historic victory.
11/7 An encouraging but unsettling first meeting with Dr. Shipra Bansal. My prejudice against a female MD was probably unfounded. She is mild mannered, courteous, attentive and even pretty, reminding me of the attractive nurses at Bumrungrad Hospital in Bangkok. She did not rush to take down my medical history. When I mentioned a vegetarian diet, she asked if it was vegan, and when I mentioned fasting, she asked what kind of fasting (water), demonstrating good attention to detail. She stated that my elevated diastolic level was not uncommon at this elevation. She explained that my tingling feet syndrome is probably not due to heart problems or poor circulation because there is no pain while walking, only the tingling. She made some touch sensitivity tests with a tuning fork as well as the point of a paper clip to map out a region of numbness suggesting peripheral neuropathy. Blood tests, including a test for B-12 deficiency, have been scheduled. We will meet again in a week. Meanwhile the weather has turned much colder. I think I should nevertheless try to get out and do some daily walking exercise at least.
11/11 Mailed Juan's birthday present, Jacobson's book about essential knots for the outdoors, complete with a practice hank of nylon cord, plus some cash and my old Timex Ironman digital watch with waist clip carabiner (my new wrist watch is a geeky but handsome Casio atomic time watch synchronized nightly to the Colorado WWV broadcasts. It would be out of range in Costa Rica). I added this donation message to my yahoo email signature: "Your donations keep Wikipedia running! Support the Wikimedia Foundation today: http://www.wikimediafoundation.org/wiki/Donate" . Then I followed my own advice with a meaningful donation along with a request for an offline Wikipedia CD in Spanish for Latin American students and schools not having internet access. I am pleased with the little Net Meter client which monitors network traffic on this laptop. If I had a more permanent address I would also subscribe to a fast ISP provider instead of depending on a wireless link to the Arrowhead Lodge repeater, but I am not complaining. I am now moving the rest of my personal pages from andarivel.org to jwleaf.org.
11/14 My complete blood tests came back normal in every way except for Vitamin B12 deficiency, which is the most likely explanation for symptoms of peripheral neuropathy. A result of poor diet, this may also explain my chronic fatigue over the past four years and the mysterious sensations in my hands which I used to call "wooden finger syndrome". I assumed that the stiffness of my hands was somehow due to osteoarthritis, however the description of peripheral neuropathy manifesting as a "stocking and glove" sensation fits my case to a T. Vitamin B12 was discovered in the 1920's in liver juice which cured anemia (it was actually the presence of iron which cured anemia in dogs, but it was the Vitamin B12 also present which cured pernicious anemia in humans). Dr. Bansal has prescribed Vitamin B12 supplements and scheduled a followup visit in one month. Now I feel free to depart for Alpine, Texas, next week. If further treatment is required next month I can deal with it there or return here.
11/17 My departure from Flagstaff is scheduled in three days. Bus tickets and hostel reservations have been made for a three-day journey to Alpine, Texas, with overnight stays in Albuquerque at the Route 66 Hostel and in El Paso at the Gardner Hotel/El Paso Hostel. I took 21 photos around Arrowhead Lodge and my Room 36. My beautiful new sleeping bag was recently damaged when I rolled over in my sleep against a portable electric heater placed too close to me on the floor. It was careless of me to leave it running during my sleep, and wasteful of energy too, since the bag is rated at 20 degrees. A burning sensation against my ankle woke me up, which at least proves that my peripheral neuropathy numbness is not a serious handicap yet. The intense 1500 watt heat melted a six inch hole in the outside of the bag which had to be patched with duct tape (see photo 18). Fortunately the synthetic material is not flammable. My bag's visible defect, like the discoloration marks Buddhist Theravada monks have to make to their new robes, will help keep me from developing too much attachment to it and remind me to pay more attention. My aging body also has an accumulation of defects but is not scheduled for replacement yet.
11/18 All the photos displayed in 80 public and unlisted albums at my picasa web site were condensed to 640:480 size today for faster download, after I saw the perezoso site of my San Gerardo neighbor from Canada, Jean-Guy "Perezoso" Trussart. Condensed images do not sacrifice much screen resolution when viewed on a monitor. If a finer resolution is needed for printouts or cropping details, a complete set of the original photos is backed up at jwleaf.org, and most of the Andarivel high resolution images with their thumbnails are also maintained in my former andarivel pages where they can be viewed and downloaded by anyone if desired. A master set of the original photos is also stored on my laptop. This effort to preserve and publish the past may seem futile, considering the impermanence of everything in this world, especially since no one else has ever expressed much interest in it. Ayya Khema once remarked that old people think a lot about the past because they have a lot of it, whereas young people think about the future, because they have more of that. My blog interests me, of course, but I wonder if the time is well spent.
11/22 Reached Alpine, Texas, after a long travel day. This morning, from Gardner Hotel, El Paso, Texas, I spoke with Juan from my cell phone to his brother's cell phone, to wish him a happy twelveth birthday and ask if he got my present [not yet]. He may have been hoping for an expensive ipod. I hope he will not be disappointed with what was sent. The import of our conversation was more the fact of making voice contact rather than any message as I could not understand much of his fluid, high-pitched speech. Also phoned my father yesterday while walking down a calm, sunny, leaf-strewn Albuquerque street after a brisk cold front had swept through the previous night. My father suggested planting olive trees beside the Rio Grande River (been there, done that, but as a matter of fact I did notice some pecan tree orchards in this West Texas ranch land area, apart from occasional desert mesquite or palo verde trees). Last night a homeless type of man in the common room of the old Gardner hotel told me he heard strange piercing noises in his private room. He asked if he could sleep in my room on the floor. Instead I offered to switch rooms with him but he said he did not want to move his things. I don't know if he really had possession of a room as he claimed but was suffering from some mental delusions, or if he had only managed to slip into the hotel without paying and was leveraging to share a room. The next morning I saw him sleeping on a stairwell landing. Dropped off outside Alpine just now in the dark of night at a Quick Stop gas station nowhere east of town, I was glad my motel owner "Jack" came to pick me up, again thanks to my cell phone. We passed the campus of Sul Ross State University on the way in. My Bien Venido motel room doesn't compare to Flagstaff but I will try to make the best of it for a week.
11/23 I have signed a one-year lease for an unfurnished one-bedroom second-floor apartment next to the Sul Ross State University campus (901 E Sul Ross, Apt 209, Alpine TX 79830). It is only a short walk up the hill to the modern library with spacious views overlooking all of Alpine. Exploring the town this morning, I found two nearby supermarkets and several churches and many small weathered homes on small unfenced lots stitched together by patches of dry, yellow grass. The cement sidewalks along the quiet back streets have buckled with age. The casual, scruffy appearance of the old neighborhoods feels inviting, unlike the stony cactus yards of Ajo, Arizona. Then I happened on an apartment complex advertising a vacancy. I called the number using my cell phone. As soon as the manager came over and showed it to me I decided to take it. Sunlight enters a south-facing double window through the leaves of a tall tree, reminding me of my Reno apartment, but here there is more living space and better ventilation from the balcony on the north side. Unlike the Reno studio, this apartment has wood floors and a private all-electric kitchen. The move-in date is December first. Since the rental is unfurnished, I may have to get or build a table and maybe some chairs and arrange for electricity and a DSL internet line. The weather in Alpine has been sunny and pleasant. I had hoped when I came here that something like this might turn up, but now it will be harder to go back or move on.
11/29 Wasted all Thanksgiving day playing over chess games, watching TV and eating out of time (vegetarian, not turkey). I have some strong views of what I should be doing, such as practicing meditation, controlling diet and so forth, and when I notice that I am backsliding, then I feel impatient and disgusted. However it is possible that whatever comes up is worth attention. That is the heart of meditation, to pay attention. During my long continental hikes, I was forced to keep active, moving forward relentlessly as if on a treadmill. It was necessary to grind out miles every day in order to reach resupply points before the food in my pack ran out. For instance, I climbed Mt. Whitney at the end of a thirteen-day stretch (141 miles) on an empty stomach when the only nourishment remaining on the last morning was a single peppermint lifesaver. On rare hikes when I could loiter it felt like a holiday. Now in retirement I can loiter all day every day but it does not satisfy. Likewise at Andarivel my commitments to take care of trees and godsons always kept me busy. Even in Flagstaff, the mesa looming behind the lodge beckoned me to come up and sit for at least a few hours each day, although it was starting to get old. But here in quiet Alpine I have no one to connect to, nowhere to go, and nothing to do, at least until moving into the apartment when I might buy some tools and build a table. The easy availability of TV and internet in my dark motel room undermine my resolve to practice unbroken meditation such as during my two isolated retreats at Boonkanjanaram, Thailand (12/2004 and 2/2008).
I am mildly concerned by persisting symptoms of peripheral neuropathy which have not convincingly improved although it has only been a few weeks since starting vitamin B12 supplements. It could be my imagination but the tingling sensations might even be spreading. They are not really painful but I worry if they could get worse. Next week I have an appointment with a local family practice doctor in Alpine, David Sanchez MD, to help me decide if I should return to Flagstaff to keep my mid-December appointment there. The disruption of another long bus/airplane trip and the dismal prospect of spending winter cooped up in a small room do not appeal as much as the possibilities of my new apartment in Alpine. If advanced medical treatment does become necessary, there may be some medical center in this region such as in Midland/Odessa which I could reach by renting a car for about $30/day (versus an $80 round-trip bus ticket -- go figure!). I realize some stressed out people might envy my leisure. Restlessness and doubt are two of the five major hindrances (lust, irritation, drowsiness, restlessness and doubt).
12/1 Moved into the unfurnished apartment, connected electricity and internet (speedtest.net benchmark: 1277 kb/s download, 317 kb/s upload, about average). Miss having a chair and a table for the laptop, but reluctant to accumulate unneeded furniture or otherwise crowd my beautiful open living space. Remembering how all my tools accumulated at Andarivel had to be left behind, I have no desire to start over. Ounces become pounds, grams become kilograms. Alpine may be a dream come true for meditation practice once I settle into a daily routine. I especially appreciate my quiet apartment with the afternoon sunlight streaming in the window past the green leaves of a tree. However, no situation can be completely satisfactory because nothing lasts in this world. Even if this place were presently satisfactory in every respect, my very attachment to it would cause anxiety about change or future suffering when it must inevitably be left behind. Considering how suffering underlies all experience, a fair question might be asked "Why not commit suicide to avoid future pain?" A novel answer has occurred to me which I have not heard before. Consider, for example, someone with a painful, terminal disease. Suppose for the sake of argument that his premature death might reduce his present pain. However, his death might also cause suffering for others, or his absence might affect them, and therefore the net amount of suffering in the universe might not be reduced. A selfish suicide may only be dwelling on his own personal suffering (unless he is sacrificing his life to save others). But if karma is true and all actions have future consequences, then a suicide might reappear in a bad destination, even hell, or experience an unfavorable rebirth, because of selfishness.
12/2 Found a four-foot finished shelf at True Value Hardware and a couple of white plastic crates which will serve as a table for my laptop, therefore no need to buy tools or hunt around for used furniture. Walked up to visit the nearby university campus and saw that the students drive away in their cars as soon as classes let out. It is a deserted campus compared to NAU in Flagstaff. Washed a load of laundry in a local laundromat lacking hot water. Gave a blood sample this morning to determine if my Vitamin B-12 level has improved, hopefully -- but the lab sample will have to be processed far away in Dallas, Texas. Alpine seems to be lacking in many services compared to Flagstaff. It may not turn out to be suitable for solitary old age retirement although my first impression could change. At least it has a mild climate. I will try to make the best of this snowbird visit but perhaps follow the example of the students and get out next spring. This remote location reminds of my summer camp outside Lima, Montana, way out in the middle of nowhere.
12/4 Uploaded some photos of my Alpine apartment.
12/5 My Gateway 1.46 GHz MT6723 laptop with 2 GB of ram and a dual 32-bit processor drops wireless connection to the at&t modem from time to time. I am experimenting now with using a wired Ethernet cable instead. The problem is most likely memory overload related to Rosetta@home running in the background consuming 100% CPU.
12/6 Placed an order for a new laptop with twice the memory, a fast 2.0 GHz HP Pavilion with 4 GB of ram and a dual 64-bit processor. My old laptop will be dedicated exclusively to the Rosetta project, a fitting example for me to concentrate more intensively on my own project of practicing meditation. I changed the name of my Rosetta team from "Arunachala" to "jwleaf" ("a leaf of the jw tree") because the mountain has sunk below my horizon. Good news: Jesus and Juan successfully passed their school years, however no news from Daniel who still has to take a makeup exam. I am learning to sit for longer periods without a chair or table in the apartment and I appreciate the uncluttered open space. My laptop is always running, a constant companion like a pet. The warm air exhaust on the left side feels good on my cold neuropathic hand. While I try not to use the laptop much for entertainment, sometimes it helps distract from the pains of stiff knees or tired back. Sometimes I take a stroll around the neighborhood as a pleasant way to stretch the legs, sometimes I pace around the apartment. Unlike densely populated Latin America or even Flagstaff, few people in Alpine take walks outside their houses, much as I remember Mineral Wells, another small Texas town. The bored dogs confined in the empty yards perk up when I walk by. They bark and wag their tails at the same time as if with mixed emotions. There is one dog who is so old he can't get up, he just lies in the same place all day, in sunshine or shadow, but he manages to lift his head for a feeble woof.
12/7 Added a blog entry to my page Dhamma Practice Notes to help me stick to the eight precepts, especially with regard to the sixth precept about not eating solid food after hours. A blog is a way of confessing in public, maybe not as good as confessing in person but better than nothing. I heard that President-elect Obama was embarrassed a bit when asked about his success in giving up smoking. He didn't want to admit any lapses but I am sure the public interest will help him keep his resolve.
12/10 Discovered Google Books. Turns out the entire Majjhima Nikaya is available for online viewing. Because of its weight and volume, on leaving Flagstaff I donated my heavy $54 copy, carried with me all the way from Costa Rica, to the NAU library. Now it has been rediscovered online. My other online readings to pass the time usually begin with the NY Times, then Google News, then Digg, in that order, but they only confirm more or less what I already know: the impermanence, inherent suffering and absence of self in everything in this world. Elephants fumbling over old bones.
12/13 Wasted whole day, from noon to midnight, compulsively playing chess against the computer. I won every battle but lost the war. Added a column for the seventh precept in my Dhamma Practice Notes. Received good news that Daniel passed ninth grade. My sister Julie and father plan to visit me for three days before Christmas. New HP Pavilion DV5-1000US laptop arrived from China. Appointment for next week with a new doctor, Adrian Billings MD, to discuss continuing symptoms of peripheral neuropathy.
12/14 Changed my Rosetta project team name to Mulberry Treehouse in memory of my private hideaway high up (well, from a boy's perspective) in the mulberry tree in the yard of our ranch house north of Fort Worth long ago. The site has been leveled since then to make room for the U.S. Mint. I used to climb up to the plywood platform stained by mulberry bird droppings to read books and make plans. Cloning of the second computer named HPJWJ is underway (the first was named GATEJWJ). Monthly and Xmas transfers to Costa Rican godsons were made successfully using former but still active accounts at BCR because Cuscatlan (now Citibank) did not receive the letter of instruction mailed last month, required for online transfers. Fortunately there was Plan B.
12/15 The new HP was configured yesterday but it crashed in the evening following a small final tweak to the startup menu. A cold chill crept up my spine when I realized all of the day's painstaking work was lost. Speaking of Plan B, unfortunately I had not taken the precaution of making system restore points after installing each of the major programs. Comparing the two laptops, I am more satisfied with the looks and operation of my first laptop, the GATEWAY, even though it is slower and has a broken CD drive. It may continue to be used as my primary computer. It has black keys with bold white letters, whereas the newer HP has silver keys with faint black letters, a challenge for my poor eyesight. The new HP has a glitzy row of bright white led lights under the screen, distracting like a movie marquee, and the HP logo on the cover shines like a night light in my sleeping quarters, a pretentious waste of battery power for a laptop. I may cover them with electrician's tape to restore peace. The addition of the HP is like a newborn baby squalling for attention. Meanwhile I have discovered an online backup service at mozy.com which protects against data loss by relying on cloud storage instead of local storage, therefore solving the problem of the broken CD drive. If I had known about this option I might not have ordered a second computer, but now that it is here I will try to make good use of it. The new HP can certainly contribute to the Rosetta project, now with two members of team Mulberry Treehouse. Would anyone like to join my team?
12/18 Some of the distracting marquee lights on the new HP laptop have been masked with black tape. Now that it has been tamed I am beginning to like it more. Both laptops are running side by side for further evaluation. A very handy Firefox addon called Foxmarks synchronizes the bookmarks between both computers. Much of the day was spent on solving a problem installing Google Earth on the old Gateway. With advice from online forums, the fault was finally traced to a bad download manager program. This proved the value of using forums to help solve problems. Recently another afternoon was spent on phone calls to AT&T regarding a service upgrade to the DSL high speed line; again, the solution depended on the help of other people.
12/19 Since my computer(s) are running all of the time, a neat little program called Cool Timer (see my desktop snapshot here) serves to wake me up in the morning with a gentle melody, and to count down minutes for timed sits during the day, also with a soothing alarm. I have learned there is an Alpine Community Service Center van available for medical appointments up in Odessa, three days a week, a three hour drive, with door-to-door pickup and same-day return. Access to adequate medical care was a concern about retiring to this peaceful, remote town. My new family practice doctor mentioned consulting a neurologist in Odessa but I am waiting to see if the Vitamin B12 supplements will solve the problem. The availability of a specialist in this region if needed diminishes the prospects of returning to Flagstaff next year. Today I stretched out on a thick carpet of dry grass under some Joshua trees on the Sul Ross campus for a pleasant rest in the afternoon sun, just like old times.
12/20 Tested the DVD drive on the new laptop by watching some Columbo reruns from the fourth season, 1975. I remembered most of them but while still very interesting they seem dated and a little stale because of the incessant smoking and frequent drinking.
12/24 Dad and Julie spent three nights in Alpine visiting and sightseeing with me around this Big Bend region (see photos). We rented two rooms in an expensive nearby motel, not as much to my liking as the modest Bien Venido but large enough for Dad's wheel chair. Dad complained about the comfort of his king size bed. I stayed in the room with him on my foam pad behind the other bed. On the first day Julie drove us in her roomy Ford Expedition van down to see Big Bend National Park, the Rio Grande River, Terlingua, Lajitas, Presidio, and Marfa. Dad was exhausted on our return and chose to stay in bed while Julie and I went out to dinner at a nice Alpine restaurant, although I ate nothing. On the second day we visited the interesting local Big Bend Museum of History at Sul Ross University. I disputed the guide's casual description of the pterosaur exhibit as a "bird", pointing out that it was a flying reptile with no feathers, and by analogy, whales swim in the ocean but they are not fish. Later in the afternoon after Dad's nap, we visited the Paisano hotel in Marfa and admired some landscape photos on the dining room wall, then drove up to Fort Davis arriving at closing time, then attended a windy and cold evening star party at Mcdonald Observatory. Julie was enthusiastic about the constellation talk and peered through all of the small telescopes, while I managed to see at least a blurry image of the Andromeda Galaxy before the biting cold drove me inside. On our return we witnessed a display of the mysterious Marfa Lights south of the highway. Dad forgot his wheeled walker when they left late this morning after he watched TV in a trance for an hour. I would have talked to him about Buddhism but he was not in the mood for conversation in spite of numerous opportunities, and as always, he had problems understanding my speech, obliging me to repeat everything and with an unnaturally loud voice.
I installed the Canon iP90 printer which Julie brought from storage. My primary computer has become the new HP mainly because it has a working CD drive. Ana Chavez sent an appreciative Christmas email, nothing from anyone else. If unhappiness is rooted in desire, the question is, why persist in wanting something from all of these people? My father asked about my "plans for the next two years." I replied, "No plans." --"Are you just going to drift?" --"No plans to drift either."
12/26 Subscribed to netflix.com to watch some movies online (many intriguing Columbo episodes) or by DVD delivered by postal mail, even though watching shows is against the seventh precept. At least the action of sitting in front of a laptop which rests on a board suspended across some crates, with my legs folded and with my lower back unsupported, has the benefit of developing strength and endurance for sitting, something like working on Andarivel developed upper body strength or hiking to Canada developed leg strength. I know I should channel my concentration into meditation practice instead of these idle diversions which hold my attention for only so long, otherwise my time could be wasted for lack of faith in a higher goal. Meanwhile the days are falling away like leaves from trees.
12/30 Today Mary, the Activities Director, introduced me to some of the senior residents and staff of the nearby Alpine Valley Care Center (AVCC) nursing home where I will be volunteering some time. Compared to my vast empty apartment, they do not have much living space or privacy.
12/31 Unsure what useful role to play at the home. Talked with a few residents met roaming the more public corridor (did not go into their rooms). However it is difficult to converse while one person is standing or bending over and the other is sitting. The senior residents are generally unaware of the world outside the building or even the day of the year.
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